I, (your name or handle here, unless it contains a year other than your birth year, the word "sux," or the number 69 -- in these cases you're not yet ready for the pledge)[Rykida T. Fox], pledge that:

I will never comment on a blog saying "Why do we care?" because if I don't care, I can go away from the blog. Instead I will sit back and have a good five-minute think about my life.

I will not sign up to Twitter or a blog just to write "I am getting my hair done" or other inanities. Every message I write will be entertaining and/or informative; e.g. "Getting a beehive hairdo so I won't fit under the parking garage clearance pole" or "I am on fire, please assist me." (Note: The latter is appropriate only if my hair is, in reality, on fire.)

I will not consider meeting people off the Internet "creepy," because look at me, I'm normal and I answered the Craigslist ad and here I am in the front of the bar alone, looking over my shoulder like a criminal, waiting for my Craigslist date.

I will only add up to one application per month on Facebook. This application will not be a zombie maker, werewolf maker, "top friends" maker, or anything that serves no purpose and is not, again, entertaining and/or informative.

I will hand my Yelp posts to a friend who works in writing or editing, and I will ask them to rip it to shreds, because I am not an awesome writer but in fact a terrible breezy writer. If I am a regular contributor to McSweeney's Internet Tendency, I will now stop writing ANYTHING on the Internet and will now back away from the keyboard.

I will trick people into seeing Goatse, because that is funny and will never not be funny.

I will not comment on YouTube.

I will not add a signature to my forum posts that is more than half the length of my average post. I will definitely not put ASCII art in my signature, because I recognize that 1993 is over and the Internet has pictures.

After one year of commenting on other people's work without producing any of my own, I will produce some work and allow others to comment on it. I am allowed to then lash out at my commenters, but I acknowledge that that polemic will become my only well-known work.

My new blog's title and tagline will not contain these words: random, musings, "just some thoughts," "my crazy/demented/unique brain", or by Perez Hilton.

I will not invite a "friend" on Facebook if I've never actually communicated with them, even if "we share like 15 friends so I guess it's time we connect." Instead I will wait until I meet these people socially, or get my friends to set us up on a blind date because let's admit it, that's all I really want.

I will never leave a comment expressing adulation or criticism in three or fewer words, unless I am doing so in an altogether unique way. "FAIL" is not a unique way. Neither is "LOLzers."
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I encourage everyone who agrees with this pledge to post it in their own journal, including this comment. Make the internet a bettar place!1one
*cough*
yes.
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